Monday, February 24, 2014

in a sentimental mood

model: tanya

song/artist: in a sentimental mood/ john coltrane and duke ellington

today i am conflicted.
 the writing portion of these posts is the hardest part for me. 
in order for me to write i need complete silence. 
a dictionary. 
a thesaurus. 
a website for suggestions.
a huge cup of coffee. 
a 10 min. mental prep.
at least an hour of time. 
true time

an hour of time, where i am not having other thoughts whispering in the background of THIS on stage performance.

i am NOT a writer. 
this art form does not come easily to me. 
in fact it is the biggest challenge for me. 
i would prefer to write hours and hours of computer code. 
rather than be here. 
on this platform figuratively standing naked to write. 

 i will say... writing forces my crazy little mind to put my thoughts in logical order. 
this wonderful process forces me to really think about what the hell i am trying to convey. 

i wrote the above statements because i could not think of how to greet you all today. 
"what's up" 
"good afternoon"... 
i had written and deleted them all. 
 all of them were insufficient.

what makes this so hard? 
well, i have no idea who is reading my mad-as-a-hatter sentences. 
and the permanence of these sentences puts a lot of pressure on me. 
those are the whispering voices in the background of my mind as i click away at the keys on this stage in front of you. 

i will push forward. 
i will keep writing. 
but please know, i am doing this with intense insecurity. 
and i haven't the faintest idea of what i am doing.  but hopefully you understand what i am expressing.

subject # 23 is a wonderful woman 
named tanya. 

was simply a regular customer at the restaurant i work at.
 for serveal years we only exchanged the polite prose of common courtesy. 
as time went on, we expanded our talks to all subjects. 
and very quickly became friends. 

tanya is someone i am so happy to have in my life. 
she has a very soft spoken voice.
she is very classy. 
she is a gentle gentle soul.
and her mannerisms have a subtle undertone of elegance and refinement.
even when she is angry it is a calm rage. 

with that said it is often the people with the quietest outward presentation who hold the most intense power and strength below the surface. 
this is tanya. 
she may not sweep you up physically.
she has so much going on that is it astonishing to witness.
 if she allows you into her tidal wave.

when i began gestating the concept for this series.... 
tanya was the first face that i saw. 
i knew i wanted HER in front of my lens. 
she has impeccable style. 
and she is a detailed stylist. 
every hair is in place.
 her nails are always perfect. 
even the simplicity of her eyeliner is in perfect order. 
her attention to these details is what i respect most.

tanya is so creative.
full of great ideas 
that i really want her and i to create some projects together. 
and one day we will. 

i saved tanya's roll for the last week because her photos are soo strong that i knew i wanted to end on a high note. 

please enjoy the images that her and i created.

also, one final note,
today's song choice is my ALL time favourite song. 
 i am not saying that like 
"oooo, i really love it."
 it is literally a song that has carried me through my adult life. 
it is a song that i put on when i forget who i am.
 it is the song i listen to on repeat for hours. 
like a the true crazy person i can be. 
this song is who i am. 
(if anyone ever wanted to know. ha) 


(1.) do you love or loathe winter?
a: at the moment i loathe winter.

(2.) what is your favourite item you are wearing right now? and why?
a: uh.. my favourite item would be my... inside scarf because i made it!

(3.) what is your zodiac sign?
a: gemini

(4.) describe your style in three words....
a: under stated elegance


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